By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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