I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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