I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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