Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
