found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
