sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize