this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
A+ Viking dick
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize