I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
