I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
