i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize