I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
