wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize