and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
