I puked a lego.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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