You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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