if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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