Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
