Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
