Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
