I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
