I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
