Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize