I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
