And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
