she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
