If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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