So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just want nice things and good sex
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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