look no pants
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
