can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
