I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
