He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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