We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
