I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
