seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
