Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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