All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
