Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
