the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
