im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
