I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
