His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
