fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
