Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
