You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
