What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize