Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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