we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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