Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize