We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
