We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
