Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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