Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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