i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
