we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
