I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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