i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
