I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
do herpes really smell.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
