she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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