i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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