Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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