You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
