I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
