Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
