There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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