the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
