My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
