You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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