That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
