Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She bit a glass in half.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
