wakey wakey hands off snakey
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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