dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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