The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
