Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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